Kelly grabbed his friend and shouted over the deafening Rhianna: “Does he have a girlfriend? My friend’s been stuffed around enough!” The friend stammered, “Yeah… Yeah he does.” As he bolted from the Covent Garden stables.

Kelly dragged me away from the guy who’d been lavishing his-undivided-pimms-attention on me all night and explained: he’s got a girlfriend. Hrumpf, says me. Alas, numbers had been exchanged and the guy continued to chase via SMS, the following morning conversation went something like:

Him: ”Want to catch up for a drink?”
Me: “Don’t you have a girlfriend?”
Him: ”Yeah… so. You want to catch up for a drink?”.

No response from me, yet this went on for six-ish weeks. He really loved that brick wall of no communication. I aptly named him “Crazy Nutcase with GF” on my phone and screen-grabbed his hilarity for Facebook friends to see. I’d never had a guy be so blatantly cool about sporting a girlfriend and wanting to date. And this was England! Preposterous!

Not saying this is a problem reserved for Englishmen – I’ve had similar experiences here but thank goodness for Facebook and the smallness of Melbourne I’ve managed to suss out a few before being sucked in. Tip for you all: Find the guy on Facebook and look up his siblings. Chances are his brother or sister is a bit more lax with their privacy settings (70’s children are so cute) – you’ll find a family event / gathering type photo and see if your future beau has an arm around his other half. This works 90% of the time. (I’ve never met an only child cheater – they already have everything they want, right?) Though this tip won’t work if their brother has a stupid name on Facebook like ‘Beardo McBeardy Manfacehead’. True story.

I suppose I can’t get on my high horse – when I was younger I hung out with guys I liked who had girlfriends, in the hope they’d find me so charming they’d promptly dump their girlfriends and be with me. Surprise, surprise, it never happened. I wouldn’t partake in such aimless activities now. Ahh maturity, it’s wonderful thing.

So, why do guys do this? To show they’ve still ‘got it’. To prove they can bag any chick, never mind the gorgeous one they’ve got at home. They’re merely making a point – with a nice little boost for a Friday night. Or is it because they’re still on the look out… for something better? I asked this question at work (in London) and was met with a landslide of ‘What’s wrong with the guy doing that!?’ I ate my humble pie, shut up and Powerpointed the rest of the day away. Thank you to the attached guys in the office who emailed me post-discussion to wholeheartedly agree it’s a disgusting thing for a man to do and was I free for a drink later? Kidding. I’m really giving English guys a bad rap here aren’t I? (They really did email to show their support).

So what if you are the better thing that came along? I’d prefer he quietly dump his girlfriend and chase after me. But then honestly, if I knew he was dumping his girlfriend for me, how long till he dumps fabulous me for the Lorenza 2.0 upgrade? I know I’m sounding very contradictory here. Dump your girlfriend for me. No, don’t dump your girlfriend for me. Gosh, just be single if you want to date me damn-it! It’s not that hard.

I wish all the singles out there the best of luck in finding a-non-lying, non-attached-gem. Dating is a tough, tough world and it helps when you’ve got a girlfriend who will make sure that flirty, hot guy is single, no matter how loud she has to shout over Rhianna.

(913)