A guy recently asked me if I “date” much and I immediately thought “No, not really…” But my answer came out more like, “Mmm in the last month I’ve been speed dating, had two friend set-ups and dated a guy I met at lawn bowls.” Then I thought “Oh you dating hussy!” So yeah, I date a lot. Give me a break – six years is a long time to be single. And the guys always seem to be the same. Here are the categories that they all powerball into, as I haven’t found that winning combination quite yet:

Mr Parents and Painful
This guy might live at home with the parents – which is fine, maybe he’s trying to pay off that Holden Astra by 2014 or get that smart phone app off the ground. But the thing about this guy is he’ll probably never do it. He’s got lots of ideas and plenty of talk but no real desire to be working in a job he enjoys or an actual ambition towards anything in life. I’ve seen tubby cats with more determination for finding dinner than this guy so it’s a big fat no from me.

Mr Friendly Neighbour
He’s nice, he’s funny and he’s nice and funny aaaand that’s it. He could be my best friend or brother – wait that didn’t sound right. He’s got a good job, he’s getting passes with a few credits for life but there’s no spark or romantic interest, and this is where I can’t be bothered poking around to see if there’s more. But hey, be sure to keep me on that funny email forward list till we both start dating other people.

Mr Stalk and Intimidate
He’s keen – way too keen. Does this guy even have hobbies other than me? He’s calling every night and sending enough messages to make me squeamish. He’s creepily noticed a dress from a year-old Facebook photo and he’s asking the mutual friends waaaay too many questions. Then he brings me flowers to brunch. Lovely! But it’s the icing on the creeper-cake mate, moving right along.

Mr Confusion Says
We’ve been on a few dates, I’m feverishly mounting up the tick boxes and can’t wait to see what else the holding yard’s got on offer then… it’s radio-iPhone-silence. Was it the smell of desperation? Is he dating four other colts at once or was he clearly not impressed with the Zara dressage I agonised over for hours? I’m confused as a losing Phar Lap and keep telling myself he had a funny looking mane anyway.

Mr Cool as FCUK
I don’t really know where the heck I stand with this guy – away so he can look at himself in the mirror, or closer so he can check his reflection in my sunglasses? What I was tipsily attracted to as “confidence” on a Friday night now seems more like arrogance on a stick. He’s not after a relationship and he’ll play me like a deck of girlfriends. If you keep a safe distance these ones are good for a laugh but if you play his fake-Gucci-glasses-game you’ll be chasing your tail like a damsel that’s possessed.

So why do I keep dating? Probably the same reason people play lotto their entire life with little chance of winning – it’s fun! Actually no, it’s exhilarating, and it’s taking a chance because you never know… one perfect-powerball-partner and I’m off.

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