So I’ve got a friend, a good friend, who’s been dating a fellow for about a year now. And it’s pretty clear to me – she’s just not that into him.
When phrases crop up like “Apparently we’d been dating a year last week – he took me out for dinner – it was a nice” my first response is “I’m sorry, repeat that again…? APPARENTLY?!” Maybe she’s not into adjectives and remembering dates – but I’ve heard enough of this sort of speak over the last 11 months to know, she’s wasting his life.
The last telling off I gave got out of sms-hand – screeching “You need butterflies!” – lacking in emoticons I was forced to send bees and bugs to get my point across. If you’re only after ‘nice’… why not date the ‘nice’ guy at Coles who double bags your pasta sauce, or that guy in the foodcourt who remembers what sandwich you get every day, he’s ’nice’. No-one wants NICE?! Or do they. Here’s where I’m not sure if my cheerleader-for-love-tinted-glasses gets in the way of things.
So another favourite “He’ll never treat you badly.. because he’s just so.. (oh you guessed it) nice.” – Fine, sure thing – tell me that when you’re 60+ and a bit lonely and want a ‘nice’ person around for some Today Tonight watching company. But not when you’re early 30’s, with a banging figure and a pretty face. It’s just got lazy written all over it.
So what’s the next step? Told her off once, then twice… there’s not much point again. Or is there? If I keep banging on that door it’s got to give eventually right? At what point do I become the friend she doesn’t want to talk to? I might be there already.
So this is what’s bothering me the most now – the victim in all this. Him. It’s his life, he’s making decisions, he’s spending money, he’s saying out loud he’s in love – to a girl who won’t even call him ‘boyfriend’ to her friends.
If any guy I was dating said or thought any of the above about me, I’d be devastated. Absolutely devastated and hoping a piano fell on his conscience and he broke it off with me immediately so I could stop imagining my name with his last and wondering what our recessive gene-d child would look like.
What’s that other excuse girls? We’re sick of being stuffed around by guys – but haven’t we all?! That’s no reason to throw your Barcardi Breezer out with the bathwater. Talk to anyone over 30 – they’ve got a damn good heart-break story to moan about. But I don’t see the entire 30-plus population just settling for less because they’ve had 1 or 14 bad breakups.
And come on now we’ve all been there – when you’ve started dating and one of you clearly isn’t into as much as the other. Whether it’s the tumbleweeds in lack of messages or they’re bringing you a single rose to brunch – Oh no he didn’t!. What do you do ? You so very adult-like ignore them. Or if you’re like karma-riffic me – you sit them down and tell them as soon as possible. Ouch it hurts, and gosh-yes you feel like a horrible person – and have to look them in the you-don’t-like-me-as-much-as-I-like-you-puppy-eyes. But once the words are out. It’s over. All over. And you’ll feel so much better for not making that person think for a moment longer they have a chance in white-picket-fence-hell with you. And then of course you’re free to move on to find someone else.
And is not that what we’re all trying to do anyway? Find someone who likes us as much as we like them back? That IS the ultimate. That IS the whole point to dating.. isn’t it ? Or is it the free dinners and sex?